Today

I feel better today. Today is a good day. :) I've also decided that no one wants to read about my problems--we all have our own to deal with, right? So, I'm not going to write anything else on this blog...I'm just gonna say that my life has been a dark blur for several months now and I'm beginning to see light again. Life is good, I'm getting better. We don't know if it was the parasite cleanse, the steroids, the dietary changes, the de-stressing of my life, or my renewed dedication to living the Gospel and the uplift that General Conference brought...but something turned the tide a couple of weeks ago and I eagerly look to the future.

This week

Went to UAB (university of alabama birmingham) to see a world-renown nueromuscular specialist. In spite of his lacking bedside manner, the man is a genius and in 4 short hours, managed to accomplish something no one else has done in 11 weeks: gave me a diagnosis.

He doesn't know what caused it, but I have DYSAUTONOMIA. crap. wants to push an extremely radical treatment with high dosage of prednisone and gammaglobulins. Scared Senseless.

I have been seeing an osteopath independently of my numerous MDs and he's been treating me through a branch of chiropractics called orthospinology (deals with CNS).

This scripture has been on my mind today. D&C 123:17: "Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

I have decided to put God's promise to the test. Instead of just jumping blindly into a harsh treatment that may be as detrimental to my body or worse than what I'm already living with, I'm gonna push all my options:

• continue having these chiropractic adjustments--they seem to help a little
• 10 day osteopathic parasitic all-body cleanse
• have my stake pres (head/facial surgeon) wipe out the supposedly benign tumor in my sinuses
• gonna see the best people I can to be tested for foreign parasites (probably in Boston)

Then, if I'm still not better, I'm gonna pray hard and jump whole-heartedly into the steroid treatment having faith that that will fix whatever it is. But I feel very strongly that if I just jump into this treatment without having tried every other possible option, I will always wonder if I did something foolish and put my body through hell unduly.

Prayers would be appreciated.

Matakot ako pero matapang.

Trance-like state

The next two weeks passed by and I don't really know how to differentiate the days--they all just blur together. I was spending time working...and that's it apart from sleeping. I progressed from needing 10 hours of sleep per night (still a lot for me) to needing 14-15 hours of sleep just to kind-of make it through a shift at work; I'd come home from work and fall into bed until time to get up again the next day.

During this time, I noticed a gradual decline in my eyesight--I remember looking at my computer screen and asking my co-workers if it appeared blurry to them, too. I had to keep water on me at all times because my throat was so dry that I had to continuously sip on agua just to be able to speak. Something had to be done.

So I went to an urgent care facility one day on my lunch hour. The nice doctor did a little blood work and sent me to an optometrist--of course, right? Eyesight is failing--send her to an eye doctor.

My optometrist verified that my prescription was current, but also stated that my pupils were "minimally responsive." He didn't know what to do, so he sent me to a neurologist. And that guy took a lot of my money and said "it's not neurological...why don't you wait a while and just see what happens."

Ugh.

So, I waited. Lived in the blurred monotony that my life had become...until the day I woke up and my vision was completely shot. My ability to focus at all was gone. My pupils were hugely dilated and had become completely unresponsive. Panicking a little now, I was taken down to our primary doctor's office...but since it was a Saturday, my doctor wasn't there. The one I saw just threw up his hands and said he doesn't deal with the eyes and referred me to an opthalmologist the following Monday.

The opthalmologist I saw is a great physician--he took one look at my eyes, and having listened to my other symptoms (dry mouth, difficulty swallowing and digesting food, fatigue, etc.) declared that I had come into contact with some kind of toxin that I had gotten into both of my eyes that was paralyzing my ciliary muscle. GREAT! Finally someone who seems to know what's going on! We never could ID the culprit--some chemical, apparently, that I got on my hands and into my eyes. His advice: "wait it out. In 2 weeks, all should be well and you'll be as good as new."

So I waited.

Life comes at you fast...

No one ever expects to get sick..I mean really sick. Life was meant to be lived--to be experienced and to be enjoyed. I really enjoy living my life--from mountain hiking to rock climbing to scuba diving to white water rafting to jumping horses, I mean, I enjoy life.

So about 6 weeks ago, when I was at the beach with Danny's family sailing, I never imagined what would come next.

I did notice the dry mouth. So, I thought, maybe I'm dehydrated...it's only like 100 degrees out here with 100% humidity on the bay in Destin. So, I did what any responsible I-took-physiology-in-college grad would do: I went to Wal-Mart and bought more water, Propel, and Gatorade which I then drank religiously for the rest of the week. Little did I know that was the start of what has been, thus far, a 6 week miserable drought in my mouth and throat. Might as well just suck on cotton.

Well, on the first night I was there, Danny wanted to teach me how to "crab." Shoot, I like crab. :) Why, not? Well, most of you that know me know that I'm not a night-person. And, apparently, "crabbing" is a night sport. lol. We started out about 10:30pm and headed out onto the pier at the port--we were sailing his brother's boat and they were staying in campers near afore mentioned port. The water was shallow and we tied rotten, stinking chicken meat into this round, wire cage and dropped it in the water. They say the crabs should just wander in the cage and then you yank it up...well, we didn't have much luck, but I did manage to catch one. lol. I left early--I was really tired. Looking back, this should've been a red flag since I was good at staying up even though I don't, usually, but I assumed I had just gotten too hot that day. It was a long 45 minute drive back to the cottage I was staying at over in Panama City, so I cut out about 11:30 to head back...and I had to stop half way there and park on the side of the road to sleep for about an hour so I could make the rest of the drive. Thus began the insatiable fatigue that now haunts me.

That was the very first day that I remember any of my current symptoms being present. So I guess that's where the story starts...