Shands

I'm nervous. I have my long-awaited appointment with a neuromuscular specialist at Shands on Tuesday...and so much rides on it.

What if they don't know? Then what? What if they say there's nothing more to be done? Am I to just exist in this semi-functional state until I die?

I'm currently taking 60 mg of Prednisone every day and this mega-dose of steroids renders me just barely functional each day. I'm fat and ugly and getting bigger every day. But if I miss a dose, it only takes me 3 or 4 hours to feel the weakness spread...so I must need it. What if there's no alternative to taking the Prednisone? I just take it for a year or two until it destroys my body, then wait to die?

I'm so anxious. For weeks, I've been excited about seeing the specialist and finally finding out what's wrong...but I suppose I need not get my hopes up, for finding out that they don't know might throw me into a depression. And I don't have a history with depression, so getting past it might be interesting.